Solitude and Rest

"Solitude is a breeding ground 

for idiosyncrasy, and I relish that

about it,  the way it liberates

whim."

Caroline Knapp

I belong to two bicycle clubs, and both have rides that interest me today, but a part of me urges me to decline both and do a gentle, easy, meandering type ride with no demands upon pace or conversation.  To soak in the summer that is relentlessly passing. To go at my own pace with no thought to others.  For these are the types of rides that often renew my love of cycling.  The decision is easy when Mike posts a difficult ride.  The other ride, a lunch ride to Stream Cliff, is not so easy to decline, but I need some alone time.

 

Years have taught me that I need to listen not only to my body, but my mind.  The body will tell you it is tired and needs to stop before it actually does, and there are times to push that limit, but the mind has needs too.  Recovery, both physical and mental, is important.  There is only so far one can push while still benefiting. 

It does not take long for  me to realize I made the right decision.  With a century Saturday, a 55 miler Tuesday with lots of climbing, and a fast paced 50 mile ride on Wednesday, not only my body but my mind is ready for a break.  Particularly with a difficult century scheduled for Sunday. Eden/Delaney Park road beckons and I follow the call knowing that I will get  peace and solitude there.  

I love the way the trees canopy the road, letting only patches of sunshine through to jigsaw the road.  And I know this road well enough to know that the shade does not hide anything dangerous.  The road is not flat, but every climb and descent is a gentle one, at least until one nears Salem.  That will be the big decision of the day.  Whether to climb or turn around.  Sweet clover lines the roads that are not busy enough for the county mowing machines to decimate, and I think of how I would have told Lloyd about them after a ride because bees love the wild sweet clover. 

While there is payback for the climb in  the form of a two mile descent later in the ride, when I get there and start to climb I change my mind and turn around.  This is a fasted ride and I will still get in about 45 miles before returning home.  My belly starts to remind me that it is hungry, and a candy bar and drink with Amos is not a good way to end a fast.  Also there is lots of climbing to be done on Sunday's century.

I think of my brother, who passed about a year ago, and wonder if anyone else things of him or misses him.  I think of others that have passed.  And I realize that I owe it to them to live well, or as best I can, for they did not get a chance to do so.  So many.  Lynn recently pointed out that I had more loss then anyone should have in such a short period of time and he is right.  Since 2014 my husband, two brothers, a sister, a mother, a best friend, a nephew.  Sometimes it is hard to remain upright and not feel sorry for myself, and once again I am thankful for friends and bicycles.  

Today was not a friend day.  Today I needed time alone, to think, to pray, to miss those that have passed.  Perhaps, without realizing it, I owed my brother this day, because how sad it would be not to  be missed and remembered.  Yet again  I realize how our choices in life, how we treat others, how we view the world, impacts us and others around us.  Once again I realize that I have been blessed.